To say “I hope you watched Homeland this season” is a lot like saying “I hope you watched the Raptors this season” in the sense that it’s not a very nice thing to hope for. Both franchises had a lot of buzz this year, Homeland coming off a multiple Emmy winning first season, and the Raptors having made multiple roster moves, but it’s safe to say that both have under performed, taking a hard left into reality TV level programming. But on the off chance that you, like some people here at Raptors Republic, have managed to submit yourself to both, this is the piece for you.
Both the Raptors and Homeland have had characters as well as storylines disappoint viewers all season long, and as I watched both of these develop, I couldn’t help but make some connections between the two.
Bargnani is Carrie
- Once his mind is made up about doing something, nothing can get in his way. He moves through the key with reckless abandon, head down as he barrels his way to (somewhere near) the rim. Sometimes he does this because Casey has called his number on a play call, much like Saul might call on Carrie in a time of need, but mostly he does this out of a deep, frenzied hunger to score and be validated. Regardless of motivation, once his mind says he’s taking one dribble to his right and putting up a jumper, he cannot be stopped.
- He seems virtually unreachable by any coach, GM, or team-mate; his lack of self-awareness can only be matched by the likes of Carrie Mathison, who’s had sex with a known terrorist while being recorded by her CIA colleagues.
- I would not so boldly contend that trying to build a team around Bargnani has been more disastrous for the Raptors than Carrie’s career has been for the CIA. At least she put in a few all star seasons in her prime.
Dwane Casey is Saul Berenson
Every once in a while he leans in close and whispers, “What the fuck are you doing?” in Bargnani’s ear. In the end, he ends up playing him despite everyone else seeing how terrible he is for the team, and despite repeated, well documented past failures.
Sidenote: I acknowledge that although his beard has improved drastically since last season, Casey’s facial hair game is no where near on par with Mandy Patinkin’s. I would even push this a step further, and argue that Patinkin’s “touch of grey” on the end of his goatee shames even all-timers like Emmitt Smith and Walt Frasier.
Colangelo is David Estes
- He has a good reputation, he’s smart, and he’s enjoyed some success in the past, but he is short-sighted, and repeatedly sends the same screw-ups out there to do the job.
- This cannot be confirmed, but I sense that he’s also on the verge of submitting Casey to a polygraph test so that he can cause him to miss a game, an offence for which he will subsequently be fired.
Kyle Lowry is Peter Quinn
- Here we have what is clearly the best and smartest player on the team being forced by BC/Estes to play with the dysfunctional Bargs/Carrie.
- Lowry was also the first Raptor to get injured and miss time. He then came back way before he was supposed to, matched only by Quinn returning to the CIA headquarters just one day after suffering multiple gunshot wounds.
- These guys are dedicated, competent, and should be the focus of the franchise moving forward.
John Lucas is Chris (Brody’s son)
- He’s just happy to be on the show and excited that every room in the hotel has a big screen TV. He came into this year filled with excitement and joy, and his smile is slowly fading under the constant threat of everything being blown up.
Chris Bosh is Brody
- Undoubtedly, he provided years of good service, but now he has been turned.
- It’s likely that he, like Brody, spends a lot of his time huddled in corners crying and trying to avoid the outside world because they don’t understand him. Ultimately, he just wants to make LeBron (Abu Nasir) proud.
This post is written by RR Prospect, Dragos Nica.
