Give ‘er…
1) Give us your best guess as to what Maurizio Gherardini does in a typical work day.
2) Obviously the biggest surprise about this season, for most, has been the dismal record. Taking that out of the equation, give us one good thing that surprised you about the Raptors this season and one bad thing.
3) From the current roster, who would you want to make sure plays in the summer league? (and you can’t say the whole team)
35 Raps
1) Contacting Euro agents, GMs, and contract situations, have a cup of expresso, and plate of pasta. Calling Don Corleone about a debt he forgot to pay off and finds a horse head on his bed.
2) Bad, just SOOOOOooo bad surprise: Jose Calderon’s defense now makes Kapono look like Bruce Bowen, and now he cock-blocks the offense. Good: Bargnani getting high teens or 20 pts consistently and Roko beating the Spurs b4 they were injured like now.
3)Roko, Draft ppl, Banks
1. Try on different glasses frames, choosing his favorite based on how he looks in the mirror with his arms crossed.
2. Good surprise – Joey Graham. Though still inconsistent, I thought he would be a career bench-rider.
Bad surprise – Jay Triano. I was excited when the move happened, but he obviously isn’t a head coach in this league. He may have the respect of our players, but do you think he could handle any top tier team in the league? Could you honestly see this guy coaching the Celtics/Cavs/Lakers?
3 – Roko
1) He recruits wonderful foreign talent for our team. ;D
2) Bargs being clutch and actually producing very respectable numbers when given consistent minutes at PF
3) What’s the point? Roko? Dunno. Joey Graham for the 4th straight year??
Bottom line is we gotta trade Bosh while his value’s high because putting 2 soft perimeter-based PF’s at 4 & 5 doesnt’t bode well for this team’s chances of contending anytime soon.
1) spend 30 minutes deciding what suit and tie to wear in the morning.
2) work out with BC
3) Make a few call to Italia to check on some bets
The Good: Raptor Fans devotion and patience, Il Mago, Graham, The Mascot and the Dancers,Free Live streaming (Justin.tv)
The Bad: TSN2, Triano and the lack of balls on this team, RuPaul.
Roko, O’Bryant, Banks, Drafts. Get these guys mentally ready to run once numero ocho is traded this summer.
Surf online looking for euro eyeglasses that coordinate with his ties.
After that, look out to the TDot landscape and pretend he’s back home.
Ooops Sorry Archibald, just read your post… props to you, didn’t mean to step on your jokes.
ONE GOOD = No TJ
ONE BAD = First year I don’t care if I watch a Raps game.
After this season, I would say TJ was a +
No worries, completely agree with your bad surprise too. No excitement for games anymore.
1) Stressful. B.C’s probably on his ass everyday to find better players to redeem himself from Will the Thrill.
2) Good – Player Development (JoeyG & VL)
Bad – No Depth (Need a variety of consistent role players)
3) Ukic, Banks, O’Bryant, Jawai. I honestly believe they can become valuable bench players. I would also like to see Jay Triano give them a lot more playing time this season.
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Ukic – Since were stuck with Jose-No-D-Hands-Clapping-Calderon. His dribble penetration is a must. Boy did Jose fool so many of us.
Banks – His Defense is 100% better than Jose. If we can teach him to become a team first PG he should be able to show us why he’s getting overpaid.
I think Jose a nice guy, but nice guys stays home during playoffs. I think it’s safe to say that his liability on D is a huge concern and a big reason to as why we have such an unacceptable record. If we can’t trade him then i suggest we use a 3 PG rotation.
O’bryant – Don’t know much about him but from what i do know is that with proper coaches he can become a poor man’s version of andres biedrin. At 22, He’s no voshkul.
Jawai – He has size, He can play the voshkul role next year and take the beatings for us against shaq. so Bosh can lurk behind him and scare shaq with eyeliner and a wig.
1.he facefucks alts mom all day.
2.how people think joeys improved when he still sucks.
3.jawai and roko.
at least both are getting some action. You, on the other hand, rely on Craigslist and even then can only bring yourself to email using a fake email address and giggle as you ask how big their peepee is.
RealGM called and they are missing you.
1
Gherardini’s day: Goes online and checks the status of his Calderon Ham©® order, depantses himself and watches secret cam of Raptor cheerleader dance practice, trims earhairs/nosehairs and saves it for knitted oven mitt craft project, grabs 1/4 pounder w cheese combo at Union Station MacDonald’s, watches Ellen, goes home.
2
Good thing: More good Joey than bad Joey
Bad thing: Bosh not being the leader
3
Roko – and instruct him that he MUST get into at least one punch up altercation with another player 20+ pounds heavier than he is.
1) Studies the CBA looking for loopholes and scouts the NCAA and international players.
2) Good-Bargs / Bad-Adams
3) Roko and Jawai.
1) Gets on scale, grimaces. Steps off. Holds breath. Gets back on. Frowns. Repeats four times. Warms up breakfast spaghetti. Washes it down with a calzone. Puts on pinstripe suit, deems it slimming and goes to work. Gets on phone with Italy. Complains about weather. Watches team practice. Claps whenever Bargnani touches the ball. Lunch. Nap time. Watches soccer game on PVR, pretends to be scouting for “cross-sport talents”. Plays sudoku until 4:59pm. Goes home in fancy car.
2)
The good: Bargnani, trading Will Solomon and Jamario Moon
The bad: TSN2, the eventual TSN’s 3 and 4.
3) Roko, Jawai, O’Bryant.
1) Wakes up, walks his dog. Goes back to bed. Wakes up before the game to catch it on TV. If Raps are doing well, goes to ACC and stands next to BC. If not, pigs out on leftovers in his underwear.
2) Joey Graham. Mitchell had almost killed his career but he’s shown that he could be NBA worthy.
3) Roko, not so much summer league because that’s a few games here and there which won’t do that much in his development. How about taking 1000 jumpers a day?
1)Maurizio Gherardini is shining BC’s shoes hoping to takeover as GM so that his master plan of making this team a Euro team possible.
2)Good surprises: Barg’s eating good lasagna makes him better, Joey G becoming less like Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde and just being agressive Mr. Hyde, Roko is Rockin
Bad suprises: INJURIES, THIS F’N TEAM
3) Banks, Roko, and POB(if he’s still here which I doubt, he’s a guy that looks like he doesn’t care anyways)
1 – Buy Brian a nice tie to distract him from my losing touch with the talent in euroball, shine Brians shoes, pick up Brians dry cleaning, call Sicilian “friends” to kneecap a few exec’s in euroleague to insure they keep telling Brain how brilliant I am, give Brians wife some of my Italian sausage (shhh), buy Bargs a razor, eat some calzone, take a shit, eat more calzone, watch Raps play, check with real estate agent to see if TO condo has sold, inquire with Benetton for position vacancies, go home and sob quietly in fetal position with Chianti bottle in hand.
2 – Good Surprise: Bargs defense; went from horrid useless defender to above average. Bad Surprise: how quickly fans turned on Bosh (Ruppie).
3 – Roko Uno-Dimensional and Jay-why.
1) Who knows, nothing at the most
2) Good: Trading Hassan Adams and Will Solomon away
Bad: Signing said players
3) Kris Humphries and Nathan Jawai and keep the one who performs better
1. jerks off and cries (at the same time!)
2. good: bargs and only bargs…bad: this week its kapono
3. roko i guess…marcus banks cant keep going and scoring 40pts…he already got the check.
1) Few people know this, but Gheardini is actually Colangelo’s weed carrier. The job brings him to places like Turkey, where he can score some world-class hydro for BC and scout players who are ripping up the local mens leagues (i.e. Will Solomon).
2) The good news was that BC did not bow to fan pressure and bring in a lot of new players such as Stephen Graham and Joel Bosh before the trade deadline. The bad news was that we still have a lot of our current players under contract for next season.
3) I would send CB4 to the summer league so that he could reunite with his brother. Maybe he could work on his post-moves.
1)
- wakes up. Calls Bargnani to see if there is anything he needs, including home-cooked pasta and hookers. Next, calls Italy, and asks if there are any up and coming superstars in Italy. Discovers none. Next, sees Colangelo at the next game and tells him that his legacy of being the GM who brought the world to the NBA is looking good, as we lose every single game. Goes home, and sleeps on a pile of money, with no doubt a disproportionately hot Italian wife.
2)
- Good thing: Mitchell is gone! I thought passing up on D’Antoni meant Mitchell was here to stay, but nope!
- Bad thing: Mitchell was fired at the worst time possible. I thought that if he was going to be fired, the Raps should have gone for D’Antoni. Now: Flip Saunders anyone???
3)
- Maybe Roko – he needs the practice, but I also think he needs to work out and get enough muscle to jack a three…so, if he doesn’t play in the summer league, then he needs to be in the gym everyday.
- Banks – you know, just so that he plays at least a little during his tenure with the Raps.
1)Talks on phone with other Managers / assistants/ scouts in NBA, CBA, and Euroleague and reads player reports etc.. and does whatever Colangelo asks him to do.
2)Good that Bargnani has gotten to play regular minutes and is starting to show everyone he is worthy of a number 1 pick, and is getting better every day and already is our best offensive and defensive player. Also Joey getting better and becoming a serviceable bench player.
The bad: Chris Botch thinking and saying he’s an MVP when he’s really become a slow, predictable pretty good player but is no superstar and no max contract player. He’s soft, and can’t pass, and has claws for hands and the ego of a player with Duncans ability. Also a close second on the bad is Jose…so freakin slow and predictable he makes me want to puke. Also a freakin baby and I’m tired of the Jose / Botch slow down this shit and telegraph everything we’re going to do show!
3)Botch, Jose……but since they won’t go Roko, Graham, baby Shaq, O’bryant and also Voskhul so someone can clean the barf in the stands.
1. Discusses plans for his daughters wedding. Tries to convince BC that they should go after Garbo in the offseason again. Gels his hair. Combs his hair. Uses his money as toilet paper. Checks out Club Plazzo time to time and vists Woodbridge often
2. Good: Bargnani’s blocks. Joeys drives. Marions energy.
Bad: Bosh’s jumpshots. Bosh’s lack of desire. Triano.
Ugly: Calderons defence. Calderons footspeed. Devlin
3. Put Jose in the summer league and make his no. 1 goal to not let his man burn him. If effective, this startegy could lead to 10+ wins next . Get Jose Calderon a personal trainer and make him do plyometrics to improve his quickness. Get Jose Calderon at night to watch every game this season and focus squarley on how 31331231212412 points were scored on the Raptors …soley becuase of him.
1. Order more high collar shirts for Mr. Colangelo. Get Mr. Colangelo coffee. Read scouting reports on players strictly from Europe, the middle east, the antarctic and Mars. Pick up Mr. Colangelo’s dry cleaning. Call his friends in Italy and tell them how he cannot believe he still has a job, considering he does nothing of substance all day. Give Mr. Colangelo a blow job, and then a reach around. Order more coasters, pretzels, and little umbrella thingys for the “Red” party. Drive Mr. Colangelo’s kids to the doctor/dentist. Call Italy to check on the status of his new Ferrari, with cock sucker red leather interior and “MG” insignas.
2. Good-the improvement of Andrea Bargnani(I always knew he had it in him). Bad-the MVP talk from Chris Bosh, and his lack to drive this team to a respectful record (He’s lost a lot of respect).
3. Roko Ukic, Nathan Jawaii(if they even pick up his option, which I wouldn’t)
1) Wakes up. Takes his pillow, rolls over and slaps Bargnani in the face with it to wake him up. Consumes Pizza Pizza pizzas meant for ACC 100-point giveaway for breakfast.
Proceeds to work out by cracking knuckles. Calls Devlin to discuss Alberto V05 styling techniques.
Fields calls about the “Azerbaijainain Ewing” and the “Turkish Drexler”.
Arrives at Colangelo’s house and feeds and walks his dog after cleaning the hair out of Colangelo’s comb.
In the evening, proceeds to battle King Kuppa to a stalemate. Goes home, blows a kiss to Mussolini picture and goes to bed, careful not to wake Bargnani.
2) Good = That Roko was able to hit a 3-point shot later in the year.
Bad = How poorly Calderon was able to adjust to taking on full time starters minutes. How much anti-love was shown to Humphries by Triano.
3) Cockin’ Roko.
And i thought my post was funny ^^^^^
Man do people hate the management.
I don’t think it’s entirely their fault — on PAPER this team looked pretty decent before the season started. Keep in mind even observers such as ESPN, SI and various others considered us a possible top 4 seed in the conference.
Nobody expected us to suck this bad. We are the biggest disappointment in the league. I still think it’s management’s responsibility, obviously, but I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt in that it’s not like they were completely misguided in putting this team together per se. That the sum would be less than the parts is awful tough to predict.
They took some risks, and they didn’t pan out. We’ll see what kind of moves they make in the offseason.
biggest disappointment = detroit pistons
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I don’t think it’s entirely their fault — on PAPER this team looked pretty decent before the season started. Keep in mind even observers such as ESPN, SI and various others considered us a possible top 4 seed in the conference.
Nobody expected us to suck this bad. – by Simon
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I think Arsenalist, Flux, Dave and others who’ve been contributors to this site [and Arsenalist's old blog] for more than 1 yr will tell you truthfully that this perception you have is IN FACT incorrect.
The FACT IS media outlets like ESPN, SI and Yahoo Sports do not have the market corner when it comes to thoroughly understanding How the NBA Game Actually Works, despite what many may have been duped to believe.
The Raptors roster this season has been highly suspect since the Jermaine O’Neal trade was announced … and it was clearly identified, in advance by certain individuals operating in the blogosphere … whether others are prepared to acknowledge that FACT is irrelevant.
MLSE/Bryan Colangelo said that this roster “was the best Raptors’ team he’s put together, on paper” … and this appraisal was BOUGHT by many others in the basketball community, hook, line and sinker, but it’s FACTUALLY incorrect to think and/or say that it was that way for everyone. : )
Instead, certain individuals said that there was enough talent on this summer’s roster to Win 50 games this season … IF IT WAS USED CORRECTLY … and that the likelihood of THAT happening this season was almost nil, given the M.O. of the men in-charge of operating this franchise from the top down [i.e. ownership group, Pres/GM, Assist. GM, Head Coach, coaching staff, etc.] and the OVERT holes which existed from player #1-to-#15.
Furthermore, it was also specified that unless Bryan Colangelo headed the warning signs that were present since the 2006-2007 season, and was VERY, VERY careful in the decisions he made this … e.g. re: the eventual mid-season firing of Sam Mitchell … this Raptors’ team, as constructed, was NOT capable of effectively addressing its short-comings in the areas of Team Defense and Rebounding Differential, was woefully short on young, athletic NBA talent, and had the LOOK of a team that was perilously close to attaining full blown TREADMILL STATUS, post haste.
Well … you know what?
So far, this season, Mr. Colangelo/MLSE, has been anything but VERY, VERY careful, by the looks of it, i.e. 23-39/.371, 5th place in the Atlantic Division and 14th place in the Eastern Conference, OVER the Salary Cap, and just UNDER the Luxury Tax.
Others can continue to swim down-stream, along with the remainder of the minnows, if they wish, as from what I’m told … [i] misery loves company, and [ii] there’s a certain comfort to be gained from sharing a belief system held by the majority of individuals within a closed environment … but, do not make the mistake of observing that, IYO, everyone is so inclined.
FACT IS … that is/was not the case, at all, in THIS situation.
FACT IS … if you believed that this Raptors’ roster was “the best, on paper” yet assembled, YOU WAS DUPED; plain and simple.
Let’s hope that the Basketball Acumen displayed by the men in-charge of operating this franchise to-date improves with time, that they learn from the mistakes they’ve made, thus far, and that they can actually get themselves out from under the mess which they’ve created for, both, themselves and the team’s loyal fanbase.
PS. If I was a betting man … : ) … my hard earned $$$ would IN FACT be placed down on the “PASS LINE”, as the simple FACT IS things are bound to IMPROVE, at some point in the future, going forward from here. Afterall, it’s only a matter of time.
“It’s only a matter of time” is a such a cope out and oh so K-Fraudish (I knew you would start back tracking at some point as you have on all of your FACTS and premonitions).
So when BC turns the ship around next year are you going to say it was luck and only a matter of time? Hilarious. Let’s “hope” that Brian Colangelo and Wayne Embrey, who have spent their entire lives in the game of basketball and the majority in the top league in the world will miraculously “learn” something this year and get lucky and start listening to a hack who learned how to use Wordpress to pollute the minds of young basketball fans.
1. Calls GM trying to figure out how to get Galinari and Belineli to Toronto.
2. The biggest surprise is how quickly you can fuck up a team without actually trying to do so.
3. If I can’t say everyone then, everyone except Bargs. I would include Bosh but I’m hoping he won’t be with us for summer camp.
Wayne Embry is a NBA executive for whom I have a great deal of R.E.S.P.E.C.T. IMO, Wayne did solid work in Milwaukee and Cleveland, doing the best possible with the hand he was dealt.
If someone has no clue where my “tracks” are actually headed, in the first place … like YOU seem to not have … it’s virtually impossible to ascertain correctly whether I am “back-tracking” on something or not.
[read that last sentence carefully, if need be : ) ]
Given YOUR lack of accuracy, to this point, re: the acuity of MY Basketball Acumen, it would seem to be a safe bet that you’re wrong in this instance, yet again.
re: my premonitions [LOL]
They’ve been doing quite well to-date.
PS. As I’ve said before … it’s a pleasure doing business with you. : )
You are still a douche bag.
“it’s virtually impossible to ascertain correctly whether I am “back-tracking” on something or not” – Khandor.
Well said K-fraud…the first step in your recovery may be closer then I thought.
If someone has no clue where my “tracks” are actually headed, in the first place … like YOU seem to not have …
LOL …