Kapono’s should be “Pump-faked his wife into thinking that they were gonna have sex, tried to drive it in anyway, and was soundly rejected.”

Adams – spending all that time staring at cheerleaders at Arizona is paying off huge!! You see that production on the sidelines? This guy is underpaid.

Bargnani – still bummed over not getting a PS3 controller at BestBuy. You expect a man to function without getting his video games on? Post game? He stares back and says “Il Postino, no?”

Bosh – MVP? OOOHHH, I get it. Most Vanishing Player in 4th quarter or vs legit teams. In that case, give him 3 of those, one for this year and 2 for the last two seasons.

Calderon – All Star? Yeah, maybe his wife’s All Star. Hey, who knows, maybe he’s tired from driving to the hole at home.

Graham – career a total failure, but his firesammitchell.com site a complete success. Life time achievement endeavor.

Humphries – c’mon man! Look at that mug. This guy belongs in a Texas max security penitentiary. Child molester or serial killer written all over him.

Jawai – walks around with one of those half heart necklace charms, like a junkie, asking “have you seen the other half, dude?”

Kapono – JKillla!! If killing small bugs and ants makes you one, that is.

Moon – Apollo13? This kid ain’t no astronaut, that’s for sure!

O’Neal – allegedly gave up on Lakers and Cleveland to come here, to a contender!! I now only wonder who is dumber.. him or BC. These two clowns deserve each other.

Parker – never regained confidence after getting smashed by his sister in drive way games. When crunch time comes around he pees and sees his sister laughing and pointing after dunking on him. Get help, dude.

Solomon – Rasheed was right, them refs once they have it out for ya, you’re a marked man.

Ukic – yo man! I broke a backboard on a dunk! And you got me backing up this scrub? And do you know who may daddy is, MF?

Voskuhl – you know why this guy was brought up, right? Either he has compromising pics of him and BC or BC is running out of lovers in TO. This is obvious.

and sorry arse, your line about Nathan has already been used. Strike out.

Adams – Is BFF with the fan sitting behind the bench.

Bargnani – Needs a 3-foot stool in order to change a light bulb in his 9-foot high ceiling.

Bosh – When prompted with “cash or credit” at his local Rabba’s, stares at the cashier for 7 seconds and then offers Monopoly money.

Calderon – Refuses to drive to the ACC.

Graham – Daily poster at Raptors Republic under the alias, “khandor”.

Humphries – If he wasn’t a basketball player he’d be that construction worker who’s idea of impressing women is to yell “Nice tits”.

Jawai – Proves that having a lot of heart is overrated.

Kapono – Pump-faked his wife into thinking that they were gonna have sex.

Moon – Tried to use his Petro Points at Sobeys.

O’Neal – Traded himself to the Lakers in NBA Live ‘09.

Parker – used to carry his Euroleague MVP trophy to Raptors practices hoping to impress but nobody noticed it.

Solomon – Spends half his day on Workopolis searching for “Turnover prone point-guard”

Ukic – Despite his looks, will likely get a very hot croatian wife.

Voskuhl – Was so surprised that Bryan Colangleo called him up, he didn’t even finish his midnight shift at Wendy’s.

Adams — of Family fame ???

Bargnani — Eat lotsa pepperoni and raw garlic before a game and use your breath as a defensive weapon .. wilt the opposition … and clear your sinuses too ..!!

Bosh — the ‘franchise’ serving up his double-doubles but if he could only supersize it and win games …

Calderon — his defense needs stiffening with some spanish fly…

Graham — you don’t need brains .. only a “diploma” (from W. Oz) ..

Humphries — he’s so cute he could literally be in the Dance Pac ..

Jawai — you don’t need a heart .. only a ticker (from W. Oz too) ..

Kapono — Master Bates along the 3-point circle jerk …

Moon — ain’t no ’star’ …

O’Neal — from Stargate SG-1 … has a ga-oul stuck in his left knee ..

Parker — circumcised so he could play for Israel – now that’s sacrificing! …

Solomon — come mister solo mon tally me bananas …

Ukic — RRRRRRRROKOOOOOO (roll those big fat R’s baby)…

Voskuhl — born on the planet Voskoff? …

??????????????? Nah … you got me beat ….!!!!!!!!

Joey, that is indeed a true story. All the Colangelo ball lickers need to get educated. Maurizio brought the Euros over for us, not Colangelo. Even worse, if left to his own devices, you know this team would be full of ex-Suns. Well, hellllooooooooo Jake…how you been?

RapsFan, you pick a new team yet?

I still don’t get why people are so disappointed. This was an undermanned, undertalented team from day one this season. You get what you budget for, and Colangelo blew the budget.

Westbrook will kill all our guards
Durant will kill all our sf’s
Bosh disappears anyways

Word on the street was that Bryan didn’t want to draft Amare he was scouting some dude named Tshiviitli in Yogosalavia and was going to pick him. His dad said no and that he was going to draft Amare.

I dunno whats so hard about building a team with athletic players that play D rebound and are mentally tough. Bryan looks gay with the way he talks and never gets mad so he gets players who are mentally soft as well

i don’t even know if things can be fixed with a one-person trade. Not unless that guy is real high energy and vicious on defensive discipline.

oh, and i repeat to El Calderon: drive. drive to the net. do it. please. you can. you really really can.

don’t be too hard on Parker: he barely played, and was just getting his game legs back. Moon did most of the work, because Parker, I think, is still a little injured.