The “we’re up double digits….we got this…..oh crap” edition.
Adams – One of life’s biggest mysteries: how this guy even pulls down a per diem.
Bargnani – got to the line, where he was perfect, tangled with Vince, spoke back to #15, but had the foul bug bite him a bit too hard again. Still, some intensity was welcome.
Bosh – blanked from the field early on, he came back via his old friend the free throw line. Continues playing like a turtle, not attacking those he should be able to beat, and continues to rely on his 3pt shot to try and keep his team in the game in the late going.
Calderon – seriously, somebody needs to implant a chip in his brain that makes him re-think every time he wants to shoot in traffic. Not only that, but I’m not sure I have ever been more disappointed in his decision making than in this game. Roko clearly outplayed him early on and Jose was unable to take advantage of a cold Devin Harris. Unacceptable behaviour from someone that most considered an All-Star option to start the season.
Graham – Everybody got a little excited when the Pocket Rocket started the game strong with a nice dunk and some nice boards, but evidently the batteries died and we were left alone with our hand as a mistress.
Humphries – the team bus will never be the same now that Kris and Jake will be on it together. Silent but deadly farting and armpit noises will rule.
Jawai – word on the street is he could be playing now……except he is apt to put too much heart into it.
Kapono – got his percentage back up even though a good number of his attempts were crowded. He could put up staggering numbers if we actually ran the break even 20 times a game. Instead, he is forced to exert energy and run off screens or baseline in order to have any hope. He could be getting too old for this. Oh, and hey, how about that mesmerizing defensive duel between him and Carter. Swoon.
Moon – second solid game in a row. Where have you been, son? His is the type of energy that should be infectious, and it was early on. The intensity he has shown in these 2 games almost make those ill-advised jumpers feel okay. Almost.
O’Neal – again, like the rest of the gang, he started off well. Then he decided to pull his shorts down and invite Mr Lopez over for a game of Spank The Overpaid Interior Defender Who Is Wearing A Headband. Point the fingers all you want, but if this team is consistently being beaten (badly) on the boards and now second chance points, your interior defenders get most of the blame. Oh, and, again, you see that guy wearing the same colour jersey as you, but with the #4 on the back? You see how he sprints up the floor. Watch. Learn. Imitate. I hate to say it, Mr. HO, but if this squad has any chance at making the playoffs, it may rest at your feet. I hope you realize that soon, because if you don’t, then the supporters will be circling their wagons looking for answers……..as Sam Mitchell leans back in his recliner and guffaws.
Parker – didn’t even realize he played. Nuff said.
Solomon – I kinda wanted to see him get some burn against Dooling. Two guys barely hanging on to their NBA dream…probably going to run a train on a Dance Pak girl……probably carry guns to protect themselves…..
Ukic – far from stellar, but far from, well, Will. Hate to be a parrot, but he needs more burn. A 8 minute bridge over the 1st and 2nd / 3rd and 4th gives him 16 minutes of floor time and shouldn’t kill us, especially given how some of our hangers-on have been playing lately.
Voskuhl – living proof that Oil Of Olay can indeed be used by men.
Driving The Bus: Jamario Moon
Under The Bus: Anthony Parker
Game Theme: Those Were The Days
19 Raps
Same old, same old. I did see Bosh throw a hook in the post though. Didn’t realize you were buying Getty pictures. Wow. High class!
disappointing. period. the season is over, time to retool, think about the draft. i have no other words. i wish i were being overdramatic this early in the season, but i just don’t think this particular squad of guys can do it. i remember when Calderon used to turn the corner as well as any of them. This year? nada.
don’t be too hard on Parker: he barely played, and was just getting his game legs back. Moon did most of the work, because Parker, I think, is still a little injured.
and, by the way,
there was a time when i used to think that the raps COULD do it. on paper, i think they SHOULD do it. but, they have proven me wrong. Mitchell was not the ONLY problem; I never thought he was. But he did need to go, timing issues aside.
i don’t even know if things can be fixed with a one-person trade. Not unless that guy is real high energy and vicious on defensive discipline.
oh, and i repeat to El Calderon: drive. drive to the net. do it. please. you can. you really really can.
It’s time to blow this fucker up. It is not going to get better. The trade for O’Neal was a predictable disaster and Bosh is not a suoerstar…this is not a team anyone can root for…too many chokers and weaklings…
…don’t want to watch them anymore….what will it take? Losing in Oklahoma??
Colangelo has been the biggest surprise of all…. did he even really make any of the decisions on Phoenix??
raptors suck big fat hairy ron jeremy balls.
Jerry Colangelo called the shots in Phoenix
Word on the street was that Bryan didn’t want to draft Amare he was scouting some dude named Tshiviitli in Yogosalavia and was going to pick him. His dad said no and that he was going to draft Amare.
I dunno whats so hard about building a team with athletic players that play D rebound and are mentally tough. Bryan looks gay with the way he talks and never gets mad so he gets players who are mentally soft as well
Oklahoma has some great players and would have a better record in the East.
Westbrook will kill all our guards
Durant will kill all our sf’s
Bosh disappears anyways
lol Paul Millsap with 30 and 10 tonight against Boston. Gave Garnette a tough time apparently. Now that’s a Powerforward with balls
If Chris Bosh isn’t under the bus after that performance, I don’t know what it’d take. That was an absolutely humiliating performance on his part.
Chutney, I’ve seen him play much worse..and he picked it up a little bit as the game went on. Parker gave absolutely nothing, just like Kapono the day before.
Joey, that is indeed a true story. All the Colangelo ball lickers need to get educated. Maurizio brought the Euros over for us, not Colangelo. Even worse, if left to his own devices, you know this team would be full of ex-Suns. Well, hellllooooooooo Jake…how you been?
RapsFan, you pick a new team yet?
I still don’t get why people are so disappointed. This was an undermanned, undertalented team from day one this season. You get what you budget for, and Colangelo blew the budget.
How can you crucify Calderon and then leave Bargnani alone?
Calderon is one of our “big 3″. Not unlike people allowing O’Neal away with murder, yet calling Bosh out.
Jeeez AltRaps .. I can’t hope to match all that tremendous, knock-down, gay repartee you provide for us … but let me try:
Adams — of Family fame ???
Bargnani — Eat lotsa pepperoni and raw garlic before a game and use your breath as a defensive weapon .. wilt the opposition … and clear your sinuses too ..!!
Bosh — the ‘franchise’ serving up his double-doubles but if he could only supersize it and win games …
Calderon — his defense needs stiffening with some spanish fly…
Graham — you don’t need brains .. only a “diploma” (from W. Oz) ..
Humphries — he’s so cute he could literally be in the Dance Pac ..
Jawai — you don’t need a heart .. only a ticker (from W. Oz too) ..
Kapono — Master Bates along the 3-point circle jerk …
Moon — ain’t no ’star’ …
O’Neal — from Stargate SG-1 … has a ga-oul stuck in his left knee ..
Parker — circumcised so he could play for Israel – now that’s sacrificing! …
Solomon — come mister solo mon tally me bananas …
Ukic — RRRRRRRROKOOOOOO (roll those big fat R’s baby)…
Voskuhl — born on the planet Voskoff? …
??????????????? Nah … you got me beat ….!!!!!!!!
Let me try:
Adams – Is BFF with the fan sitting behind the bench.
Bargnani – Needs a 3-foot stool in order to change a light bulb in his 9-foot high ceiling.
Bosh – When prompted with “cash or credit” at his local Rabba’s, stares at the cashier for 7 seconds and then offers Monopoly money.
Calderon – Refuses to drive to the ACC.
Graham – Daily poster at Raptors Republic under the alias, “khandor”.
Humphries – If he wasn’t a basketball player he’d be that construction worker who’s idea of impressing women is to yell “Nice tits”.
Jawai – Proves that having a lot of heart is overrated.
Kapono – Pump-faked his wife into thinking that they were gonna have sex.
Moon – Tried to use his Petro Points at Sobeys.
O’Neal – Traded himself to the Lakers in NBA Live ‘09.
Parker – used to carry his Euroleague MVP trophy to Raptors practices hoping to impress but nobody noticed it.
Solomon – Spends half his day on Workopolis searching for “Turnover prone point-guard”
Ukic – Despite his looks, will likely get a very hot croatian wife.
Voskuhl – Was so surprised that Bryan Colangleo called him up, he didn’t even finish his midnight shift at Wendy’s.
both are brutal and you only had to do it once, not after (mostly) every game for 3 years.
and sorry arse, your line about Nathan has already been used. Strike out.
Oh come on, it wasn’t brutal. It was better than FAQs, at least give me that.
This is fun… let me try:
Adams – spending all that time staring at cheerleaders at Arizona is paying off huge!! You see that production on the sidelines? This guy is underpaid.
Bargnani – still bummed over not getting a PS3 controller at BestBuy. You expect a man to function without getting his video games on? Post game? He stares back and says “Il Postino, no?”
Bosh – MVP? OOOHHH, I get it. Most Vanishing Player in 4th quarter or vs legit teams. In that case, give him 3 of those, one for this year and 2 for the last two seasons.
Calderon – All Star? Yeah, maybe his wife’s All Star. Hey, who knows, maybe he’s tired from driving to the hole at home.
Graham – career a total failure, but his firesammitchell.com site a complete success. Life time achievement endeavor.
Humphries – c’mon man! Look at that mug. This guy belongs in a Texas max security penitentiary. Child molester or serial killer written all over him.
Jawai – walks around with one of those half heart necklace charms, like a junkie, asking “have you seen the other half, dude?”
Kapono – JKillla!! If killing small bugs and ants makes you one, that is.
Moon – Apollo13? This kid ain’t no astronaut, that’s for sure!
O’Neal – allegedly gave up on Lakers and Cleveland to come here, to a contender!! I now only wonder who is dumber.. him or BC. These two clowns deserve each other.
Parker – never regained confidence after getting smashed by his sister in drive way games. When crunch time comes around he pees and sees his sister laughing and pointing after dunking on him. Get help, dude.
Solomon – Rasheed was right, them refs once they have it out for ya, you’re a marked man.
Ukic – yo man! I broke a backboard on a dunk! And you got me backing up this scrub? And do you know who may daddy is, MF?
Voskuhl – you know why this guy was brought up, right? Either he has compromising pics of him and BC or BC is running out of lovers in TO. This is obvious.
Nah … from BAD(me) to WORSE(Arse) to DEPLORABLE(Flux) … I concede to a greater, more devious mind than mine … AltRaps Rules … Don’t let our feeble one-liner blurts upset your poetry … Keep it coming, let it flow, udaman … you gotta really good ’sick’ mind …LOL
I liked Arse’s Bosh call…
Kapono’s should be “Pump-faked his wife into thinking that they were gonna have sex, tried to drive it in anyway, and was soundly rejected.”