Dear Coach Sam Mitchell,
GR8 GAME LAST NITE!! Hard fought victory on the road, one of those “character” wins you’re always talking about. It looked like a real good time from the bench.
So…speaking of that…good three games and all…and I ‘preciate that you’re the coach…but I gotta ask: what’s up with my minutes? You’re killing me here! This is worse than what old man Sloan did in Utah.
Please don’t play Humph like this.
I’ve never been real good with the whole “patience” thing, and I know it’s about the team or whatever, but do you really want #7 in there instead of the Humph Hustle? He’s too lazy to even close his mouth half the time! I don’t get it. I’ll be all over those boards. And I won’t even shoot if I’m open!
Even if we did have some words last season, I’m a different guy this year. Didn’t you see, I grew my hair? I registered to vote, and stopped saying “asposta” and “fridgerator”. It’s this girl I met this summer: 32, great rack, some sort of lawyer…long story short banging her made me much more mature. I even started doing my own laundry in August and I think I’m really starting to get the hang of it (try using TWO Bounce sheets, its awesome!).
I know, I know, you shortened up your rotation but come on, I can contribute. Let me prove that you can stop calling me Instant Turnover. I’ll for sure do my best to not make more boner moves – I know what they do to your blood pressure – all I need is a chance. A “shat”. Just let me show you my stuff. Wait…I mean, like on the court not, y’know, my “stuff” stuff…that’s gay. And Humph don’t roll like that, though I do get offers.
I’ve never been a bench player, my whole life. All my friends and family tell me I could be an All-Star if I just get my burn. Did you know I was named Minnesota’s Mr. Basketball in 2004? And was CB’s teammate in the Junior World Championships? Betcha didn’t know you had THEE Olympians on the squad…just sayin’.
I been havin’ these nightmares where my sister is trapped in a car that’s going up in flames, and she’s screaming for my help and I’m right there, only I can’t save her because you sent in Andrea instead. That’s messed up, right? That’s like a matador for my whole situation. I guess what I’m askin’ is that if you just believe in me, I won’t let my sis burn to death.
Thanks for hearin’ me out. Go Raptors.
16 Raps
LMFAO!!!!
I wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this, and I want them back.
Hilarious…This is gold.
Gotta feel for Hump though, he did everything right in preseason. Maybe Mitchell should put him in to counter similar players, like Ronny Turiaf or Reggie Evans. He could hold his own against them and keep them off the boards. I think there’s always room for a guy like Hump on a team but if Andrea’s play doesn’t suck (which it hasn’t) I don’t see Mitchell using him unless somebody gets in foul trouble. This is the year Andrea gets to play through his mistakes and make something of himself and unfortunately Hump’s the indirect victim of that.
Spudz, not sure if I can take criticism from a David Gray/Jack Johnson fan who reviews East of Eden. Sorry bud.
it is too bad, but by playing only bargnani off the bench, that is three forwards who get burn at 4/5. hump should be getting his time against the likes of the other teams second unit of big men, not starters. 10-12 minutes a night isn’t unreasonable, and should be worked in somehow.
don’t knock david gray dinosty, red moon is one of my all time favourite songs…i’ll eat your kids man…
LOL good stuff (i mean the post, not your “stuff”), dinosty.
I believe that the Raptor’s were hoping that Jawai would slowly work himself into the lineup, while an improved Hump would create a good trade bait down the line. So far with Jawai heart issues and Hump inability to crack the lineup, this plan is not going anywhere anytime soon.
An improved hump would have been the ticket to get us the a good SG or SF. Now it might have to be Bargnani although Colangelo is still holding him tightly to his heart.
I LOVE DINOSTY.
BUT I MANLOVE KRIS HUMPHRIES.
Hey Arse, you are right…JO couldn’t stop Turiaf, but my man Humph at least would have given a better effort. :)
Dinosty, this is probably the only fiction you have written that could, quite possibly, be close to coming true.
There just isnt enough minutes for Hump. Specially now that Andrea is more improved on the defensive side. Offensively ,Hump is more like Bob the builder and we all know Andrea is better offensively. Defensively was always the question for Andrea but this season even during nights when he was not scoring , he has rebounded n blocked shots.
lol …nice
Too bad that Hump, Graham, others are not significant trading chips …. so what you see is what you got … unless BC can cook up some kind of super-trade …. ….. …..
Look around the league and find a team with a young rookie SG and a lack of muscle. OKC maybe? They might be willing. Or a trade with Miami for Dorrel Wright?
@drizz: DUuuude you’re soo funny
Moon’s diary, Hump’s letter to Smitch all pure gold. You don’t happen to have a transcipt of Roko’s phone conversation with his mother do you?
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[...] game seems like the perfect opportunity for Humphries to get his wish. Get at ‘er, fella. Go show ‘em all how to Hump. This entry was written by Dinosty, [...]